The Bookless Club: Do you attend a house of worship regularly?

When my kids were young I took them to a variety of houses of worship. When I say “young”, I mean “early teens”, and when I say “took”, I mean “dragged”. We went to Hindu mandirs, to special observances at synagogues. We attended Episcopalian Christmas services, as well as high mass in Catholic churches. They’ve been to southern churches where the service is all about singing and testifying. They’ve witnessed solemn processions in the cathedrals of Europe. They have sat in the pews of the immense super churches where the sermon is televised. A particularly memorable foray was the trip to the International Buddhist Temple in Richmond. I can’t tell you what the occasion was, but it involved getting down on your knees and lowering your head to the floor while a bell rang. My kids will insist that I mention that congregants were expected to do this 100 times. We still can’t agree on whether memory is playing tricks here but, oh, how well I remember my daughter, her head laid sideways on the floor beside me, softly uttering curses at me. Yes, indeed, these excursions still rank highly on their list of grievances against me.

The object of these jaunts wasn’t to foist religion upon my kids, but to provide them with a glimpse into the various faiths that are the cornerstones of societies. I’d been raised by two atheists and, as an adult, espouse no particular faith. But as a parent, I thought my kids would benefit from a better comprehension of the prime movers in the world. What did I achieve? The jury is still out. I suspect that, today, my adult children rarely reflect upon the role of faith in their lives. Nevertheless, I’d do it all over again.

Canada was once a church-going nation. In many ways, this is more of a time-use statement than it is anything else. In the same way that attending church doesn’t make you a good person any more than standing in a garage makes you a car, church attendance isn’t an indicator of much. But we went. With regularity. And that builds identity and community.

According to Canada’s General Social Survey that we do every 10 years, Canadians are attending houses of worship less often, yet, enigmatically, more than half of us say that we consider our religious beliefs to be “somewhat or very important” to how we live our lives. These days, fewer than a quarter of us participate in group religious activities once a week. Nearly one in five Canadians say that, despite identifying with a religious affiliation, they rarely or never participated in group religious services of any kind. Arguably, the single most declarative finding in the most recent General Social Survey is that 35 per cent of male respondents and 23 per cent of female respondents said that “religious or spiritual beliefs in how to live one’s life” were “not important at all.”

In my books, faith is something distinct from church. I kinda like the idea of church. As I watch neighbourhoods eroded by a variety of social factors, I like church more and more. I also think a family benefits from time set aside for contemplation on issues bigger than pizza toppings and curfews and chore schedules. In the same way that I think every family should come up with their very own coat of arms that depict what they stand for, church is an opportunity to shift the conversation to weightier subjects, to identify a set of values to cleave to. And if you’re Buddhist, there’s a good chance you might even get a mild aerobic workout while you’re there.

Jane Macdougall is a freelance writer and former National Post columnist who lives in Vancouver. She writes The Bookless Club every Saturday online and in The Vancouver Sun. For more of what Jane’s up to, check out her website, janemacdougall.com

This week’s question for readers:

Question: Do you now, or have you ever, attended a house of worship regularly? What role does religion play in your life?

Send your answers by email text, not an attachment, in 100 words or less, along with your full name to Jane at thebooklessclub@gmail.com. We will print some next week in this space.

Last week’s question for readers:

Question: Dinner dresses … miss ’em? Any memorable ones?

? My mother never went shopping in casual clothes. She dressed up. Or what we call today, dressing up. I miss having special outfits for different occasions. When going to a meeting I always try and wear a blazer. I do wear dresses to dinner, but never striking ones. Your column has made me think.

Sue Hector

? I have a closet full of dinner dresses. Hubby and I always dress for dinner when we’re on cruises. There is often an acknowledgement and compliments exchanged with other couples who have made the effort. Sadly, on many cruises, those who dress for dinner are in the minority — except for the Cunard “Queens”, which we love. Tonight, we’ll be dressing up for the annual Victoria Police Pipe Band Burns Night — a wonderful spectacle.

Madeleine Lefebvre

? Yes, to dinner dresses. Yes, they are almost extinct — people go about their lives wearing their tired-out old shopping uniforms — dark and drab — even to concerts. Yes, to dinner dresses. I live for that. With the mother-of-all walk-in closets: 50 feet of closet poles, and almost anything you can think of, including the LBD: Little Black Dresses, etc. It’s impossible to have too many red dresses (or red shoes). Drab people really need to clean up their act.

Kathleen McCroskey

? I love to cook, and every Saturday I strive to make a special dinner. We light the candles, turn on the music, and my husband buys champagne and we dress up. I always wear a dress and jewelry and my husband is always dressed “smart casual”. The fashion today has become non-fashion and hoodies and sweats are the norm. Not for this couple! We still want to celebrate our life together and enjoy special moments. Life is precious and looking good makes you feel good. We have been doing this for 45 years.

Arlene Lacroix

? The question stirs memories of earlier Vancouver days when a visit to downtown mandated hat, gloves, coat, dress or skirt, shoes that were shined and stockings that did not have seams that were as crooked as a dog’s hind leg. No white shoes worn before May 24, and never after Labour Day. Recently, a British gentleman visitor remarked, “I could never live here. People dress so badly.” How sad. Each day I try to remember to incorporate the dress code of yesteryears. It makes me feel very happy. Kudos to the glamorous Lady in Green.

Bonnie Kyle

? My high school graduation ball was in 1962. It was one of the most exciting and the most dreaded events of the year. It was a formal event held as a dinner and dance at Hotel Vancouver. My classmates in an all-girls school chattered over their selection of white floor-length gowns, and who they would bring as their date. My mother arranged for her friend to provide her son to be my date (whose mom fitted him with a white tuxedo) and off to the graduation ball, with my 23 classmates arriving and all looking like Cinderellas complete with orchid corsages and elbow-length white gloves. It turned out so memorable and I have a group picture in my album of that long-anticipated event. It was truly wonderful and I loved dressing up.

Yin Yin Matisz

? I had the best teacher in the art of “dinner-dressing” — my mother, whom we called the Queen of Dinner Dresses. Her vast collection elicited a wry comment from my dad about, “How rich I’d be if only I had shares in Edward Chapman’s.” My very first dinner dress — black, of course — was a memorable gift my mother bought me at Saks Fifth Avenue during a visit to my sister, an F.I.T. student in New York. It made me feel so sophisticated and so “Audrey Hepburn-ish”. Totally irresistible in its beauty, this fitted sheath was of a fine crepe, the bodice a chunky fine cotton lace with a scooped-back and 3/4-length sleeves, and it fit me like a glove. I wore it with ecru-coloured stockings and a pair of black suede pumps from Ingledew’s. Replaced by a rainbow of dinner dresses, this beauty was hung in my closet of memories and has remained as my favourite black dress to this day.

Jo-Ann Zador

? I loved dressing up in lovely clothes, whether for work or socializing. A friend and I had a mantra: “Clothes, shoes, hair.” Now, as an immobilized senior, I miss the feeling of attractiveness I looked forward to then. Sometimes I dream about “dressing to the nines”. I still search the web and occasionally buy a new dress, although I may never wear it.

Bonnie Hamilton

? One name is all you need to see a beautiful woman, “dressed to the nines”: Elizabeth Barinova. Absolutely stunning, old-world charm with every outfit. Matching shoes, gloves, hats, and amazing dresses, even vintage undergarments. Hollywood could really learn some style from this young woman. Completely impractical for cleaning the house, or working in the garden, but a girl can dream. Your description of the emerald clad beauty had me thinking of better fashion days. Where did we go wrong? Thank you for the vision.

“Tired of seeing PJs and fur-lined slippers in public” Cyndi Law

? Being 87 years of age, I can relate very well to the interest shown to the Lady in Green having dinner at Sutton Place hotel recently. I have had a small story of my own referring to bygone clothing. This Christmas, I decided to pull a sweater off the top shelf of my closet and wear it. It is 20 or 30 years old. First, I had to make sure it still fit (and it did), so I wore it to my family Christmas dinner. I have had many compliments on this sweater since then, from waiters, hotel employees, players at the casino, passersby, store cashiers — you name it. About 10 people in all. I just thought I’d let you know that I do believe the older styles were by far the best. Needless to say it has become a real go-to since having received so much positive attention.

Patricia Devries

? I had two identical dresses in different colours that I wore for dinner dates back in the 1980s. Accessories made all the difference. I eventually retired them both, but I still remember how flattering they were. I would go on to have a closet full of dresses, but I’ll never forget those first two dinner dresses.

F. Simpson